Letters from Boston
by ScribeofDownton
Summary: The story of Tom Branson's journey to Boston and his attempt to build a new life there for him and Sybbie. Told through letters home, mainly to Mary, but maybe there will be letters fom and to other characters, too.
1. Chapter 1

_This story will follow Tom on his journey to Boston, mainly through exchanging letters with Mary. I don't know yet where his destiny will lead him (or her) and where it all ends. I've never been to Boston and also don't know much about Irish life in America, but I'm trying to do research and to find out what I need, to make his life believable. Also English is not my first language, so if my grammar is not perfect, please bear with me. _

New York, January 18, 1925

Dear Mary,

I just write to let you all know, that Sybbie and I arrived safely in New York yesterday evening.

I won't lie to you and tell you we had a happy crossing, since we had not and I've doubted my decision to leave Downton more than once. Sybbie was really unhappy these last ten days. She misses George and Nanny and Downton. I'm afraid I wasn't as good a substitute as I had expected. I tried my best and I swear my voice is hoarse from all the reading and singing I did for her during the nights on the ship, but it didn't help that much and it broke my heart a bit, that she was so sad.

But she was very excited to see the statue of Liberty when we passed it yesterday and got big eyes when she watched the huge buildings of New York. I know you've already been here to visit your grandmother, so it won't surprise you that my eyes were just as big as Sybbie's. I admit I've never seen anything like the skyline of New York! Buildings as big as mountains! You probably know the Metropolitan Life Tower and the Singer building, but now there is the Woolworth building and it is even higher!

I hope you all are well. Give the family my love and I'll write as soon as I get to Boston.

Love

Tom


	2. Chapter 2

Boston, January 25, 1925

Dear Mary,

we finally arrived in Boston. I can't really tell you much about our new home town, since it is all very new and we haven't really had the time to settle in yet. One thing I can tell you though: It's cold! I've never seen so much snow and, as you know, I'm used to Yorkshire winters by now. This is a whole new dimension. Sybbie loves it though, we built a massive snowman in the park yesterday. She was so proud and I was nearly frozen. But I loved seeing her happy.

So far we're living with my cousin Liam and his wife Cathy. It's very kind that they let us stay here until I've found a flat for me and Sybbie. Cathy also offered to take care of Sybbie when I start my new work in a week, so we're trying to find a place in the neighborhood. I'm going to look at several flats in the upcoming week and I will of course send you our new address as soon as we have one. You can reach us here for the time being though. Just make sure it is addressed to Tom Branson c/o Liam Connelly, then I'm sure the postman will find us.

It's strange to look outside my window and not see green all around me. Instead there're buildings and streets, the noise of cars and yelling people or playing children on the street. I didn't realize how much I've grown used to the quiet of Downton. I remember feeling the same astonishment when I returned to Dublin with Sybil. It must have been an even greater difference for her after living all her life in beautiful, idyllic Yorkshire. She never complained though and I think she liked the excitement of city life. Well, you know Sybil: Always open for an adventure, that's who she was.

I'm glad to say, that Sybbie seems to feel better, too. Not as homesick as she was when we were on the ship. Liam and Cathy have three boys and a little Baby girl and Sybbie has already made friends with all of them. She is fascinated by the little Baby and yesterday she told me she wants a Baby sister herself. I must admit I was a little lost for words, but then I told her that little Moira is almost like a Baby sister and that she has to be content with her for the time being.

I hope all is well at home and that you're satisfied with the new agent? He seemed very proficient and also a nice man, so I'm sure you won't miss me too much. If you ever have a question or a problem you can always write to me of course. I hope you know that!

I'm sad I missed the wedding Downstairs. Was it a big event? And does Mr. Carson still call Mrs Hughes "Mrs Hughes" now that they're married? I bet he does!

Please let me know how everyone is?

Love

Tom


	3. Chapter 3

Downton, February 3, 1925

Dear Tom,

I'm so glad you wrote, we were beginning to worry what happened to you and then we got two letters almost at once!

I was sad to read, that Sybbie was fighting homesickness. It was to be expected though, I know we talked about it. Your leaving is a disruption of her life as she knows it, but she is young and happy and has a father who dearly loves her, so I'm sure she will adjust fine after a while, don't worry too much.

We miss her, too, of course, and you, too. I think I don't need to tell you that. George especially asks when Sybbie will be back and Papa... well, you know him. He's trying to hide his true feelings (and you can stop rolling your eyes now: I know I'm the same way, but that doesn't mean I can't recognize it in my father), but he's sad. We all are and so the news of your safe arrival were even more welcome and made us all very happy.

I hope you'll find your own place to live soon, so you can settle in and make a real new start, just like you wanted. Is it expensive to rent a flat in Boston? You must think me so stupid, but I really would have no idea where to start, were I in your position. How to rent a flat, how much I could afford, where to look, what would be necessary to buy etc? A whole new and unknown world for me. I wish I had asked Sybil how she adjusted to all this change back in your early marriage. But then I can just see her. I bet she loved learning new things every day, when I would dread all these changes in my life and my daily routine. Is it really possible that Sybil was my sister? Yes, she was and I loved her dearly.

You want to know how everyone is? I think we're all doing fine. I can't completely say, because I forgot to ask Edith and she's her own "sunny" self all the time anyway, but I'm sure she'll write a few lines to you, too and then you will know more than I do. What I can say is, that she's still behaving like the holy Mother when it comes to little Marigold, but if it makes her happy...

I know, you're chiding me now. "Stop being so mean to Edith, Mary." I can almost hear your voice. So alright I'll stop and I freely admit I'm grateful that Marigold is living with us now, because George would have been so lonely without Sybbie! Marigold is a sweet, little thing and I'm glad he has someone to play with.

Papa is still not really well. The ulcer is continuing to trouble him. One reason for it might be, that he's secretly not following Dr. Clarkson's diet and thinks Mama doesn't notice. He thinks wrongly, of course she knows and so does Granny! So I think he'll have yet another few months without drinking alcohol ahead. But I bet you know how that feels, by now, with the prohibition in America? Is it hard?

Granny and Mama are both well and so is Isobel. Lord Merton is still around, so I'm not sure the last word has been spoken on the marriage matter, even though Isobel is determined not to come between him and his horrible sons. It's a pity, because they seem very well suited and I would love her to be happy after all what she's gone through.

Oh and you asked about the big wedding! No, it still hasn't taken place, but I know they're planning it. The difficult thing will be to set a date. I don't think Carson has ever taken a day off in the last 30 years so to do so now for his own wedding, needs a lot of planning. I would bet he will think it's not possible unless we're all away and even then I'm not sure he would be comfortable to leave the Abbey in Barrows' hands, even if only for a few days. I guess I must talk to Papa to remove us all for a week or so, so that Mrs Hughes doesn't have to wait for her marriage much longer!

Bertie Pelham has settled in well. I can't say anything negative about him other that he is not you and that I miss us working together. I'm afraid it will take some time not to be disappointed every time I step into the agent's office and see him at your desk. It's not his fault though, I think you chose well when you hired him.

I think this is all I can tell you for now. Write as soon as you've found a new place and I can't wait to hear about your new work and how you like America.

Love

Mary


	4. Chapter 4

Boston, February 28, 1925

Dear Mary,

I can finally write and tell you that Sybbie and I now have found a flat! It turned out to be much more difficult than I had anticipated. A widower with a child obviously is not a preferable tenant. An Irish one who only now immigrated is even less wanted, so in the end it took a lot of asking around and using my family's connections with the church community to find a landlord who was willing to lease me and Sybbie a flat.

We weren't able to be too picky, but I'm glad to say, that we were lucky. The flat is small, with one bedroom, a tiny room for Sybbie (let's hope she won't grow too fast), a living room and a kitchen. It is on third floor and all rooms are small, but we do have our own bathroom, we are close to Liam and Cathy's family and we don't face a busy street, so it's not as loud as some of the other flats I saw on my search.

Moving in here was not so difficult, since we don't have mutch furniture yet. I bought two beds, a sofa, a table and a couple of chairs, but that's it so far, I haven't had the time to buy more, since I started my new job two weeks ago and it is all new and exciting, but also a lot of work. Farming in America is very different from what I've learned at Downton. The new farms here get bigger and bigger and the demand for new technology is huge. I think my cousin has a good nose for business!

My job mainly is to decide which technology is the most promising and which machines we should add to our branch. It's a big responsibility and I want to do it right, so I'm trying to get as much information on the new machines and the factories that build them, so that I'm making the right choices.

It means that I spent most of my free time reading though and I don't have as much time for Sybbie as I would like. I spend an hour playing or reading with her every evening, after I pick her up from Cathy, then we eat dinner and then, when she's in bed, I spend another 2 or 3 hours reading for work.

I'm determined to take next Sunday off though and spend it all with her. We will go to Mass in the Irish Catholic community and then there will be a church bazaar at the community house with a lot of amusement for the children. I hope Sybbie will like it.

Did you go to the Malton market with our Tamworths? I hope you got a good price for them!

I'm sorry that I can't write more, but I must go back to work. I hope everyone is well and your father is also feeling better? Let me know when Mr. Carson and Mrs Hughes set a date for the wedding, I'd like to write my congratulations to Mrs Hughes. She has always been so nice to me!

I will write longer soon. Until then I send you and the whole family my love.

Tom


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you all for the kind reviews. They really motivate me! I have no idea yet where the story will go in the end, but I find that the letters almost write themselves, I don't need to "do" much. I can't promise a letter each day though, I'm away the next few days, so the next letter might take a little bit longer. I hope you'll stay with me anyway and enjoy the story!_

Downton, March 7, 1925

Dear Tom,

now that you are in your flat, we thought we would send a few things for you and Sybbie. I'm afraid Papa went a little overboard with his selection of toys for his Darling Sybbie, but he wasn't to be stopped. You describe her room as "tiny", so I hope you will find a place for all the things he selected! I couldn't resist to put some dresses for Sybbie into the box, too. As a mother of a boy, I really miss buying nice dresses for a daughter, so bear with me!

I certainly hope you will find a place for the picture of Sybil that I'm sending you. I know you have the picture, that was taken of her at my wedding, on your nightstand, but I found this here among my things about a month ago and immediately knew I wanted to give it to you. I think it must date from early in 1919, so right around the time that you and she got engaged. I think it is a lovely picture and I hope you'll like it.

I also had a picture taken from all of us for you and Sybbie and I hope you'll like that one, too, even if George looks as if he's about to be tortured. I don't know why he always looks so somber in pictures, when he is such a sunny, little boy in real life? But as soon as the photographer says "smile", his features freeze!

Carson was a little bit taken aback when I told him I wanted a picture of the servants, too, but Mrs Hughes convinced him, that you would like one and even though I think he found it highly irregular, he allowed a picture to be taken in front of the house.

So now you have us all with you again. I hope it will make you a bit homesick, so it won't take years for you to visit us again. Promise that you'll come once a year? You know money is not a problem and won't count as an excuse. And we won't let you pay for every crossing yourself either, don't think we will allow that, when you only have to come over to give us a possibility to see you and Sybbie. If we all came over to _you_ instead, it would be much more expensive, so you can put the money issue right out of your head now.

Oh, the Tamworths were a big success! We won first price in Malton! Tim Drewe was very proud and he had every reason to be. We're now thinking about doubling the number. They're a lot of work, but they're definitely worth it and sell so much better than sheep. What do you think? Mr. Drewe thinks he can manage as long as we hire a boy to help him with the extra work.

The happy couple is still not married, btw. The plan right now is to wait until the early summer, when we're all invited to Sinderby's again. Looks like a visit is an annual thing now, but I'm looking forward to it, because apparently Rose and Atticus will be there, too and since there are no "happy news" from Rose so far, I think a journey in June should be possible. I had a letter from her last week and she is enjoying New York. She didn't write a lot about Atticus' new job, or how they live, but plenty about new friends, shopping and parties, so it looks like she's having a lot of fun and we know how much she loves that.

I must close now, we're having guests tonight. You remember Henry Talbot, whom we met at Brancaster last year? I met him per accident in York last weekend. He's visiting an aunt and they're coming for dinner.

I hope you like the things we sent you. Let us know how you're doing.

Love

Mary


	6. Chapter 6

Boston, March 15, 1925

Dear Mary,

of course I remember Henry Talbot. I distinctly remember him being very interested in a certain Lady Mary Crawley! He danced a whole evening with you, didn't he? And I also remember you being in a pretty good mood all evening.

So he visited his aunt and ran into you per accident? I wonder how often he has visited his aunt in the last months before he finally achieved to make that "accidental" meeting happen!

I know, I shouldn't tease you. Especially not since the "race" seems to be officially started here, too. My cousin's wife Cathy obviously thinks a widower must marry as quickly as possible and me, being single after almost 5 years, is a violence against nature in her eyes. So I had to find out: she is a woman on a mission.

It all started at the bazaar that I told you about. Sybbie and I went and we had a great day. At first I didn't get suspicious when Cathy introduced me to one woman after the next. I just thought she really had many female friends! But then she also started to find excuses to take Sybbie to some games herself etc and pushed me to talk to those women instead.

I bet you would have laughed. It was almost like a game of tug of war. I wanted to spend time with Sybbie and Cathy tried to separate me from her and to force me to spend time with the "candidates". I really didn't want to though, because I can perfectly well decide myself what I want to do and if I'm "on the look" or not. And I'm not. Not yet at least or maybe not ever? I don't know.

I cried a bit about your present. You know me, I'm not like your lot and able to pretend that I have no feelings. So yes, I cried, but it was in a good way. The picture is so beautiful and it brought it all back. I even recognized the dress Sybil was wearing, I didn't get to see her in her evening gowns very often, but sometimes she sneaked off to the garage late in the evening and once she wore the dress from the picture.

Did she ever tell you our story? How long we've been friends and that I first asked her to marry me in 1916? It took her almost three years to say yes. Sometimes I'm sad we didn't have those three years more as lovers, but then I think we had it as friends and that was special, too. Without so much time to make her decision, Sybil might have regretted it later, but when she finally said yes, she did it with open eyes and never looked back.

But back to the "candidates" and Cathy's mission. She hasn't given up yet. Every time she and Liam invite me over, you can be sure there are other guests and surprisingly there's always an unmarried woman among them. Poor Cathy, she's going to such lengths to get me married and I'm so unresponsive. It's not that the women are not nice. They usually are, but I'm afraid Cathy's and my vision of a wife are very different. They all are good Irish Catholic girls, ready to marry, bear children and be perfect, devoted wives to their husbands and I can't imagine ever being happy with one of them. So I think like Cathy's mission will be unsuccessful.

How is your father doing? He sent me a newspaper article about the glorious victory of our Tamworths. I loved it how proud he was. But he didn't write anything about his health, so I wondered if he's better?

I'm getting used to my work here. It's really interesting, but I must admit, I miss the countryside. Who would have thought I'd get so attached to being outdoors most of the day and to take long walks and drives through the estate. I'm sitting in an office here and my view is just over the street to the next tall building. I also miss talking to the farmers. They were not the most talkative people in the world, but once you got to know them, they all had interesting things to share. I knew their wives and children by name. They talked to me about their daily life and I miss that. Now I only talk to business partners and it's only about machines. It's interesting, but limited in a way that I didn't expect.

I did manage some good deals for my cousin already though, so I am content with what I have achieved so far and a bit proud, too, that the transition went so smoothly.

So back to the start of my letter: I'm curious how the dinner with Henry Talbot went. Will he visit his aunt again? I bet he will!

Looking forward to hear from you soon

Love

Tom


	7. Chapter 7

Downton, March 24, 1925

Dear Tom,

what is it with widows and widowers that our relatives want to see us married again as soon as possible? I swear my mother started making plans for remarrying me the minute I first disappeared in half mourning. Isn't that impossible? She must have known that I was not ready! Matthew and I, we struggled for our love for eight years. How could she think I was just snapping out of my mourning and ready to fall in love with someone else not even a year after he died?

It's not even that I _need _to get married again. Since we've found Matthew's letter, I'm well secured and I'm also the mother of the future heir of Downton. So why is everyone pushing? Just because I'm a woman? It seems like a woman is still worth nothing if she is not married and I still need a man to have a position in society.

But now the same happens to you, too, so it seems it is not solely because I'm female. My guess si that our family thinks as long as we're unmarried, we can't be completely happy again and they think after what we've gone through we deserve to be. It's a loving intention and maybe they're right, but then I think maybe it's an impossible wish. Is it possible to be completely happy again after what happened to us? I don't know. I can only say, that so far I'm not. I'm not unhappy, but I'm not as happy as I was when Matthew was still alive and I can't imagine to ever be so again.

I'm happy when I see George and see how sweet he is and how much he innocently enjoys life. I'm happy when I have a nice day. I'm happy when I spend a nice evening with family and friends, when I dance or laugh or share a joke with someone. But I don't wake up in the morning expecting the day to be wonderful and I don't look into the future as positive and without fear as I did when I was married. I already lost part of my trust when Sybil died and I lost it completely the day I lost Matthew.

Still I do know I want to remarry eventually, even though I realize it probably can never be the same. But I don't want to spend my future alone, so it surprises me that you consider not being ready "ever again"? That is a depressing thought. You're young and you're such a warm and loving person. I am the cold and rational one here, not you, remember? One day Sybbie will grow up and leave and then there will be no love left for you to give. I think that would be so sad, because I know you would make a wonderful husband to some lucky woman and a wonderful father to more children.

But back to your question about Henry Talbot: He's witty and interesting, that's what I can tell you so far. I'm careful though, because I've met witty and interesting men before who turned out to be dull and boring in the end. I won't tell names, but you know who I mean anyway.

I do have some news though: We have a date for the wedding! Papa has spoken with Carson and convinced him that April was a good time and that it wouldn't be a terrible inconvenience if Carson and Mrs Hughes would take a whole week off. So after much reluctance and worrying about our welbeing, Carson finally agreed to have the wedding on the last Saturday in April. What he doesn't know is, that the whole family and staff will be in attendance. I hope it won't distract him too much so he will still be able to speak his vows properly!

More gossip: I think I detect an interest from Bertie Pelham in Edith! At least he certainly is more interested in talking to her than in talking to me, which is unfortunate, since we're supposed to work together. He is efficient and capable, but I think he either fears me or doesn't like me much. Maybe both, because he always looks tortured every time he has to talk to me. At first I thought it was just his normal face, but he sure looks different when he talks to Edith! His whole face lights up! I'm not sure she encourages him though, which is a surprise. It's not as if she has so many men running after her and he seems to be just her type (dull as bread). She seemed to like him in Brancaster, but now I get the impression she avoids him. We'll see what comes out of it. Did she mention him in her letters?

I can't write more. Downton life is just the same as ever. Papa is still not well, but he doesn't mention it much in fear Mama is going to keep him to his diet for the rest of his life. So he suffers in silence, but I think he looks awful and sometimes if he thinks noone notices, you see him grimace, so I know the ulcer still pains him.

I hope you won't let me wait for a letter too long, because I love reading them and we all are always excited when one of your letters arrive!

Love

Mary


	8. Chapter 8

Boston, April 4, 1925

Dear Mary,

did you know that being a chauffeur is a lonely profession? You're not part of the inside staff and you're not part of the outside staff. You don't usually eat with the servants, but have your own cottage and eat there, so you don't socialize with them much. Most of your day is spent alone in the garage, where you see to the cars. Then, when you're needed, you drive the members of the family around, but you don't usually talk to them other than receiving directions and giving short answers.

When I read your letter and you wrote to me, that you don't want me to be alone for the rest of my life, I realized: I think, except for the short period with Sybil, I've always been lonely in a way. My parents apprenticed me to the former coachman who was now chauffeur of a big house in Cork when I was 14. Shortly after that my father died, but I couldn't even take a leave for his funeral. Apprentices didn't get days off and Mr. Leary, my principal didn't think it "appropriate" for me to leave for at least two days, which I would have needed to go to Dublin and back. So I missed my father's funeral and I didn't see my mother for more than a year after it.

In these days I felt terribly lonely. I was still mostly a child and I missed my mother and siblings. I mourned my father and I never had the opportunity to say goodbye to him. Five years later, When Mr. Leary retired, I took over and became the chauffeur of the house. For several years I was content with the responsibility put into me. It was a big house. Not as big as Downton, but led in a very old-fashioned way. Will it surprise you, that the Butler was even more old-fashioned than Mr. Carson? I, as the chauffeur, didn't socialize with the other servants. It was frowned upon, so I didn't have any friends among them.

Then I made the decision to go to England. I wanted to be able to earn more, so I could support my mother. That was how and why I came to Downton. I really enjoyed working there, you know. Your father has wonderful cars and I was allowed much more freedom than I knew from my old work. I was still an outsider though. Not only because I was the chauffeur and not directly supervised by Mr. Carson, but I also was Irish. I got along well with Mr. Bates, William, Gwen and Anna and I really had a great deal of respect for Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Carson, but I wouldn't go as far as saying I had "friends" among my colleagues.

Then I met Sybil and with her the first real friendship I've ever had. For a short, happy time I had a person to share everything with. Happiness and sorrows, ambitions and dreams. Unbeknown to everyone else we talked and discussed and fought and laughed together almost from the first week I've started working for your father. It was wonderful and I was never happier in my life, even long before we fell in love, although I do think I was in love with her from very early on. Then later, when we both admitted our feelings and got married, it was like a dream come true for me and I couldn't believe my luck. I was, as you called it in your letter, "completely happy".

It all changed again when she died. I was lonely again and this time I knew what I was missing. When I had been a young lad, I had felt the loneliness not as hard as I did now. In these days I was so grateful for your and Matthew's friendship and for the support I got from your family, even from your father, but I felt more like an outsider than ever before.

And now I'm here and somehow it seems I brought my loneliness with me. In Downton I was alone in my position as not part of the gentry and not part of the servants. That's different here. Here I am the "businessman" Tom Branson. I'm well respected and not in an awkward position as the "ex chauffeur" any more, just like I hoped it would be.

Here, there's a new form of loneliness all the sudden though and one I didn't expect. No one here knew Sybil. No one understands like you do, how special our relationship was and why I'm still mourning my loss and can't really fathom the thought of a new love. I do have family here and still I must realize, that they don't know me half as well as you do

On Fridays I go out with Liam and some of his friends and when the men have drunk too much, I get raunchy remarks and jokes about me being "starved for female companionship" and that "as a man I must need a woman". And then when I'm having tea at Liam's house and Cathy's female friends are there, I get pity remarks and the women tell me that I need a "mother and siblings for poor, little Sybbie" and a "good woman to look after me".

It's all true in a way. Yes, I am flesh and blood and yes, I do miss the physical closeness of love. And yes, a female influence surely might be good for Sybbie, as probably would be siblings. She still misses George and it's still weighing on my conscience that I took her away from the only "sibling" she might ever have.

But are these reason enough? Sybil was so much more than passion and a good mother. Passion is fine enough, a wife to come home to come after work is fine enough, but what we shared can't be defined in just those terms and I've decided for me, that I can't settle for less. And would it be fair to a woman to give her less than I gave to Sybil? I gave her my whole heart. Can I honestly tell another woman I "love" her when at least part of my heart will always belong to your sister?

So, to answer your question of your last letter: I don't see me remarrying. In writing this, I know deep down, that I somehow hope that there will be a woman out there who will change all that and who will convince me otherwise, but if I'm really true to myself I don't believe it to happen and I don't fear the loneliness. I'm used to it.

But I fully understand what you say when you say you're happy, but not "completely happy". I'm not unhappy either. Sybbie is a source of constant joy for me. She is so sweet and so alert. I'm enchanted by her every single day and how can I say I'm "unhappy" if I am blessed with such a daughter? But, like you, I lost my trust and utter faith in the future. I'm not a pessimist by nature, but circumstances robbed me of some of my optimism.

I wish you will find a way to be completely happy again and if a new marriage will be able to do that all the better. But don't let dictates of society push you into marrying, just because that's what is expected. You're not the type to be content with someone who doesn't inspire you. You would hate him after a while and – sorry to say – you would certainly not hide and suffer in silence. You just can't do that. Aside from certainly not wishing you a marriage of boredom, I also think as much as you're able to hide your inner feelings, you also have quite the temperament and all English, polite upbringing would not hinder you to make the poor fellow's life a hell if he got on your nerves constantly.

Now I wonder if you will still write me back, after what I've written above? I'll add that I think you're wonderful to all the people you love, so I hope you'll forgive me my openess.

Let's see what else you asked: Edith and Bertie Pelham? I must say I'm not surprised. They seemed to take a shine to each other at Brancaster (you were just too busy flirting with the dashing Mr. Talbot to notice) so I'm actually surprised that you write Edith seems not interested? But maybe she has her own reasons for holding a distance.

How is little Marigold doing btw? Sybbie got a new doll a few weeks ago and she named her Marigold. She told me she has "golden curls like our Marigold" and I was touched that she still remembers her so well even though they only shared the nursery for a few months before we left.

I wrote Mrs Hughes my congratulations for the wedding. I sent her a picture of me and Sybbie and secretly I would really like to know if she is going to keep it. Imagine Mr. Carson forced to live with a picture of the "traitor" in his cottage! It must be true love if he can put up with that!

God, I miss you all so much! Writing this pathetic essay about my "loneliness" reminded me how much I really long to see you all again. But I'm only here for three months, so it shouldn't surprise me, that I'm still a little bit homesick. I'm content with what I have achieved so far. Work is going well, we have a nice flat and Sybbie seems to be happy again, what else do I want?

So before I get more nostalgic and homesick and before I'll write more "good advice" that could bring me on your bad side , I will close this letter and promise you a more positive letter next time!

Love

Tom


	9. Chapter 9

Downton, April 24, 1925

Dear Tom.,

I would lie if I told you, that your last letter didn't upset me. But it wasn't the part about "making a living hell" for my hypothetical, boring husband of convenience. That part actually made me laugh and I was amazed how well you know me by now and what a dear friend you've become. Who would have thought six years ago when Edith, Anna andd I stopped you and Sybil from eloping?

Matthew actually said something similar to me once. He said I could be "quite cruel if I set my mind ot it", but he added that he loved me anyway so he pulled the sting out of it in the same sentence. Yes, yes, I admit, I'm far from angelic and I would certainly not be happy with a husband who'd bore or annoy me to death. The problem is: In my circles you don't have much opportunity to really get to know a "suitor" before you marry him. You meet, have polite conversation, dine together (surrounded by friends and family) and maybe you dance. But you're hardly ever alone or spend really much time with each other.

Luckily I was careful with Tony. I was quite smitten with him, because he was charming to me and said the right things to the right time. It is also very flattering when someone is so devoted to you, that he swears to not let you go no matter how long it takes. But then on my "sketching trip" I found out there was nothing that really connected us. He's nice, he's handsome, he comes from the right background and he was willing to live with me at Downton, something not every man will consent to, I'm sure. But we didn't have much to talk about. He was not really interested in the running of Downton, he avoided talking of my past life with Matthew nor did he talk about his own past during the war. He listened politely when I talked about George, but added no input and I saw in his face that he didn't think it his concern. I tried to find out what interests him, but he he fully relies on his agent to do the the running of his estate and only does the "usual" things: Hunting, riding, fishing and paying social calls or going to parties, invitations and dinners. That's his life and that would be my life obviously. Before I married, I thought it was the only _acceptable_ life and now, to my own amazement, I found out, that it doesn't interest me any more. I still do the "social things", but secretly I prefer talking about our Tamworths to you or about farmer Drake's idea for crop rotation on the big acre next to Windy's corner than hearing gossip about who has an affair with whom and who will be at this and that event.

Well and since we're open about it: I also found out that "physical closeness" as you so wonderfully called it in your letter, is nothing but an empty shell if there's no feeling behind it. It's like a too sweet cake that leaves you empty and dissatisfied after a few bites. I don't think I will make that mistake again.

Now there's Henry Talbot. He seems nice, too and he certainly has a better sense of humor than Tony had. He makes me laugh a lot and that is something I can appreciate. He also happens to be filthy rich as I found out. Something that is never wrong in my position. But...

You see, there's still a "but". I can't even lay my finger on what this "but" is, but I know as long as it is there, I don't think I should consider marrying him (if he asked that is, it's not as if he has proposed!).

No, what upset me in your letter was the sadness that I mean to have detected between the lines. I know, I wrote I want you to be homesick so you will come and visit us soon, but you know, that's not what I really want, do you? What I really want for you is to be happy and successful and get the respect you deserve. For way too long you haven't been as valued as you should have been and I blame our class system for this. Do you see the irony? Sybil would laugh that I, who profits most from it, blame the class system, because it treats someone I love unfairly. I know, it's funny in a way, but for you I want a society who sees you as the special man you are, without prejudice and solely based on ability, intelligence and character. Because if that's the case, I know you'll go far, Tom Branson! So don't tell me it's just an ideal, because I really hope America is the land of your dreams and will make all of your dreams come true. You deserve it more than anyone else I know!

But all my good wishes for you in America don't change the fact, that I miss you terribly, too. Right now I especially miss your input about George. Papa and Mama's idea of parentage is relying completely on Nanny and without you I'm doing pretty much the same. When you were here, we spent so much more time with the children and talking about the children, I felt a much better mother, relying on your natural fatherly instinct, since I don't seem to have a motherly instinct myself. I feel insecure. I know I could rely on Edith instead, but _her _instinct seems to go overboard if you ask me. She is like a mother hen always hovering around the nursery and driving Nanny crazy with her constant worries and demands.

Another worry of mine, where I really could need your input, is Papa. I actually think he looks horrible these past weeks and I'm amazed Mama hasn't said anything yet. I think right now he doesn't even mind the diet, because he barely eats anyway. I also notice that he is tired all the time and I suspect him to sleep badly. I wish he would recover soon, but right now I think his health is becoming worse instead of better.

This Saturday we'll have the wedding. I hope for lovely weather and a nice celebration. I think Carson is very excited, but who wouldn't be if he married for the first time at the age of 61? Mrs Hughes is her usual calm self, but even she seemed a bit flustered when I asked her about the new house they're going to live in. I promise, I'm going to visit them once they settled into their new cottage and then I will find out for you, if Mrs Hughes kept the picture of you and Sybbie. Shall we bet? My bet is yes, Carson doesn't stand a chance against her!

Please write me soon and let me know that you're well, I can't be worrying about you, too, do you hear me? And be careful: More of those sad letters and stories about your past and you're converting the next Crawley sister to your "socialist ideas", as Granny would put it and I swear that would be the death of her!

Love

Mary


	10. Chapter 10

Boston, May 10, 1925

Dear Mary,

I'm sorry I added to your worries with my last letter. I didn't mean to and I'll try to be more cheerful this time. I'm well, please don't worry! A new start is something that isn't achieved over night, believe me, I know that and I'm still positive that it was the right decision to come here. Even if some days are frustrating and difficult, others are successful and good.

Of course America is not perfect either though. There is no rigid class system, but there's no equality either. Your origins don't define your situation in the same way as it was in England, but that doesn't mean that it is of no consequence where you come from. In a different way it is even more important. In theory America is a society of different nations all living together, but in reality the Irish only live with the Irish, the English live with the English, the Germans live with the Germans. When I got here, I loved to hear the familiar Irish brogue all around me, but then I realized, that it is not a coincidence. There are close communities here of the different nationalities and religions and they don't mix. Sybil and I, we would have been frowned upon here just as much as we were frowned upon in Dublin and Downton. Not because she was a Lady and I was a chauffeur, but because of our different nationality and religion.

As long as I move in our closely knit Irish community here, I'm fine, but in other parts of the town there are signs "No Irish need to apply" in stores that offer a job and almost daily you find some cartoons in the newspaper that show the Irish in a very offensive way as violent drunkards, or as aggressive and stupid. Except from some not so nice remarks in a pub when someone called me a "Paddy" or grimaced when he heard my accent, I've actually never encountered such open hostility in England.

In the summer, Sybbie will have to go to a Catholic girl school where all of her classmates will be of Irish origins. I would have chosen that school anyway, because it is the school closest to our neighborhood, but if it was for me, I would prefer for her to go to a school where she is taught among other children who come from very different homes, but like so often in my life, my ideals seem to be as far away from the reality I live in, as they were in England. Should I give them up? Should I stop hoping for a better world where there is no difference between humans, no matter which sex, which religion or which nationality they are?

But on the other hand, in my daily work, I also see, that dedication and hard work counts a lot here and that it is easier to be respected and successful solely through what you do. There I see progress and it makes me optimistic, that change is possible after all. Clothes, titles, manners, the old rituals, that are so important at Downton, they don't mean anything here. When it comes to your work you are what you do and not where you come from and in the short time that I'm here, I've made some very good deals for my cousin and I've already had two new job offers from business partners, who don't give a fig where I come from, but only see my results and want to hire me because of them. Even though I don't intend to leave my cousin's business, it makes me proud that they've asked!

But back to your letter. Good to hear that the wedding finally took place (at least I assume it did now). I hope it was a lovely day and the happy couple made it safely to the altar! I wish I could have seen it.

It worries me, what you write about your father though. Shouldn't he feel better by now? It's more than half a year since the ulcer was detected and I thought the diet should help! What does Dr. Clarkson say? Does he consult another doctor, too? He never mentions his illness in his letters, he only asks after Sybbie and writes to me about estate matters. If it wasn't for you, I thought he was perfectly fine.

Please, don't feel insecure about George. It's simply not true, that you don't have a motherly instinct! The thing is, that you shy away from acting out of instinct and like to rely on rationality first and when you want to be rational, there are always a million reasons why you shouldn't be with George during the day. Nanny's routine, George's routine, your routine. What is so hard about loving a child? Nothing. If you feel you want to see him and spend time with him: Do it, don't read a book about child education first. You don't need a role model to be a good mother. Not me, not your own parents or Edith or the kind of mother you think Sybil would have been. If you pay attention to George, you will know very well what is good for him and what is not, because he'll show you! That's the great thing about children, they're not "polite" and they don't hide behind a mask. They're completely genuine.

Interesting what you wrote about the difficulties of getting to know a potential new love. Sybil and I were close friends first, before we became lovers and it seems to me, that the same was true for Matthew and you. Maybe that is the secret to true love: There has to be a deep friendship next to the attraction. Physical attraction can deceive you and make you lose your judgment (as you found out with Tony) and friendship alone isn't love either.

So if you want to hear my advice about Henry Talbot: Laughing with him is a good start and that there was chemistry between you two was obvious in Brancaster. If there's still a "but", think if you can imagine him as a true friend and a lover, but not only as either. Can you imagine to open up to him about the things you normally hide? Can you imagine to show him the sides of you that you don't like and do you trust him to show you the same honesty? If yes, you're on a good way. If not: Be careful.

Let me close with something that is really important to me: If you ever feel you need my help, please let me know. No matter what it is, please don't hesitate. If it is just advice or support through a letter, or if I should come home to help you, I'm always ready to do that. I told you when we said goodbye, that I won't let you down, just because I left Downton and I mean it!

So don't worry about me. I want you to smile when you read my letters, not to be upset!

Love

Tom


	11. Chapter 11

Downton, May 29, 1925

Dear Tom,

I think this letter will probably be the last before we leave for our visit to the Sinderbys in two weeks. Rose and Atticus will be there and I'm so looking forward to see them both. They seem happy. Rose is not the most frequent writer, but from the few letters I got from her, she seems very content with her new life in New York. Obviously Atticus could take a leave for a whole month from his office and so they're due to arrive here in England in a week and will stay till the last week of June.

This time Shrimpy is going to be among the guests, too (luckily Susan excused herself!) and I'm also looking forward to see Henry again, who has been invited, too. I'm taking your advice to heart and I'm still not sure about him, but I can at least say, that I'm enjoying his company a lot. He's very entertaining and has a dry sense of humor, that I really like.

But could he be a "good friend" as you told me? I'm not sure. I'd have to take you as the role model, because I can't think of anyone else right now, who I could call a better friend than you. Could I be as open with Henry as I am with you? I'm not sure, but maybe I will know after a whole week in his company?

I also took your advice to heart and tried to be more relaxed about my relationship with George and it turned out that you were – as always – very astute in your observation. Ignoring the rational reasons why something has to be done as it has always be done, was a good advice and after Nanny got over the first shock to see me at the nursery outside the "usual" hours, we now have a nice understanding and she doesn't seem to mind me coming around at all. George and I even spent a nice afternoon alone at the stables where I showed him the horses. He loved it and I thought, that I should look for a pony for him soon. I started riding at his age and I could teach him.

There's news from the Bates, btw. Obviously the death of Mr. Greene finally has been put to rest. The inspector told Mr. Carson, that they've decided it was an accident after all, so Anna and Bates are finally free from any suspicion. It's about time! Can you believe what those two have been through during the last years? I'm happy they're finally getting some peace.

Other than that, there's not much happening here. Mr. and Mrs. Carson are finally married and have moved to their new cottage. I will visit them after we come back from the Sinderbys and then I will report if there's a picture of the "traitor" in their new home!

I hope the week away will be good for Papa. He's looking forward to it very much and seems more cheerful than he was in the past months, so I'm hopeful it will be good for his health.

Thank you for writing me, that I can rely on you. I knew I could, but it was good to hear anyway. I hope that you know the same is true for me, too! It's not the same since you've been gone. Bertie Pelham and I are getting along better than we did at the start. He finally seems to get over his nervousness around me and I can see he is smart and knows his job, but I do miss your input and your assurance. I know a lot by now, but there're still things I'm unsure about and even though I've never had a problem asking you, with him I always think I should know. I don't want to make any mistakes!

I must say, I'm very surprised about the Anti-Irish sentiment you mentioned in your last letter? I really had no idea that there's so much prejudice in American society! It makes me feel a little bit better about England (my grandmother always boasts so much about "modern" America), but of course it is not nice for you at all.

How's Sybbie doing? Give her a kiss from me, I miss her so much! When I showed George the horses, I felt a pang of regret that Sybbie won't be here to learn riding and having a pony. Yes, I can hear you: Elitist, Aristocratic upbringing and all that, but we had so much fun with our old pony "Max" when we were children! I have very fond memories of warm summer days, laughter and in my memory even Edith and I seem to have gone along back then.

Does she still remember us? I so hope so. I know children are fast to forget, but I'm showing George pictures of him and Sybbie and he still smiles and says "Sybbie" when I do so. I would want them to stay close somehow, even though I know it is almost impossible across an ocean.

How's the weather in Boston? Is it spring there, too? And do you have the time and opportunity to be outdoors and enjoy it? Let me know what you're doing in your spare time, I'm curious! And what's about "Cathy's mission"? Any new acquaintances that I should know of? Is she closer to success?

I'm looking forward to hear from you and I hope to have a lot of entertaining stories from our visit when we come back.

Love

Mary


	12. Chapter 12

Boston, June 14, 1925

Dear Mary,

summer has come here over the last couple of weeks. It's lovely weather and I miss working outdoors more than ever. It's hot and sticky in my office and even if I look out my window, I can't make out the sky between the tall buildings in this street.

I use every opportunity to take Sybbie to the park when I get home in the late afternoon. There's a nice park between Cathy's house and our flat and we love feeding the ducks there. I think they must be double their normal size, counting the amount of old bread they get from Sybbie. She even named them all and talks to them, it's so cute when you listen to her! You better won't tell her about a pony though, she would leave me in an instant and come to Downton in a blink. She has the most tender heart and loves all animals and small children, her poor father wouldn't stand a chance against a living, breathing pony!

In the park she always looks out and takes good care of the little ones, too, she is so sweet. I know, most parents will say that of their children, but I really adore my little girl. It's great to spend the afternoons with her, I learn new things about her every day. There are always other parents with their children in the park, but it seems I'm the only single father in the whole of Boston, because all I ever see are pairs of parents. It's a pity you and George aren't here, I wouldn't feel like such an oddity.

You're asking about "Cathy's mission"? She's still not successful, but I must admit I caved a little bit and had lunch with one of her friends recently. Her name is Miss Orlaith O'Connor and she is a midwife. She is indeed a very nice, young woman and – I must add – very pretty, too. When I met her first at Liam and Cathy's house, we talked about Sybil and how she died and she knew a lot about eclampsia, so I asked her, if she would have lunch with me to talk about it and to ask her some questions I had and she agreed. It was a very upsetting conversation, but also healing in a way. I 've never talked to Dr. Clarkson about Sybil, since I was too devastated back then and so I never really found out what happened with her that night. Orlaith explained eclampsia to me and told me that it is a very rare condition and that in a severe case like Sybil's it's almost always deadly.

I'm not sure we will go out again though, because it was clear that it was no romantic intention behind my invitation, but of course Cathy is delighted and hopeful now, so I'm sure she will try to find a way to throw me and Miss O'Connor together somehow and I won't even mind much. Not because I changed my mind about being "on the look", or because I have a romantic interest in her, but because I'm still lacking friends here and I've decided that has to change. I do have a lot of "acquaintances", but I miss having people around me with whom I can have more than just small talk. Liam and Cathy are very nice to me and they try to include me into their circle of friends as best as they can, but their interests and mine are very different. Liam reminds me a bit of your uncle Harold. He is a real businessman, very amiable, very realistic, very smart. There's not much idealism in him or much sentiment and – I'm afraid - too much of both in me for his taste. I miss someone to talk about the deeper sense in life instead of talking about the next business deal, money and how to spend it.

Liam is very satisfied with how our land-machine branch has developed in just half a year though and is actually thinking about expanding it next year. I'm very proud that a big part of it's success is my work. I've been lucky of course with some of my sales, but nonetheless it is a good feeling that I'm good at what I'm doing here!

Glad to hear about the Bates! I've never understood why they could even think, that Anna had something to do with Mr. Greene's death? Why should she? She's one of the best persons I know and she barely knew the man! Why in heaven's name would she have killed him?

I envy you for your week with the Sinderbys. Not because I'm so keen on meeting Lord Sinderby and his snobbish Butler again, but to spend a whole week walking in the beautiful nature and talking to you all sounds like heaven. Yes, it seems to be true: Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Even wearing the white tie tails doesn't sound too bad when it would bring me home to you all for a few weeks.

So how was your week with Henry? Any news on that front? You know I'm just teasing you, do you? I really wish you happiness from the bottom of my heart, but I must also admit, I'm a little afraid of the "happy announcement", that will no doubt come one day. You and I we've become so close over the years, I have the very egoistical fear to lose some of your friendship to another man. From this point of view it might be good that I'm here in America. Which future husband of yours would want a brother in law living nearby who is his wife's best friend and who's grown used to confide in her and she in him?

I'm looking forward to hear a bit of gossip from your visit. I hope you had a lovely time and much stories to tell.

Love

Tom


	13. Chapter 13

_Sorry, I haven't updated for a few days, but I was away. I thank you all for the nice reviews to this story, I appreciate them so much and they make me very happy! Thank you also for pointing out the mistakes I make. Once the story is finished, I'll go back and correct all errors that I'm being made aware of, so if there're more, please feel free to tell me! I'm grateful for it, since English is not my first language and it's only natural that I'm making mistakes along the way! _

Downton, June 29, 1925

Dear Tom,

we're back from our visit to the Sinderbys. I shall send love from Rose and greetings from Atticus, Lord Sinderby and his wife. She especially asked how you're doing, I think she has a tender spot for you in her heart!

I hope the presents for Sybbie arrived in time and that you both had a wonderful day at her birthday. I went to the churchyard and made sure I brought Sybil's favorite Roses, because I know that's what you have done every year at her birthday in the past. I also explained to her, why you and Sybbie couldn't come in person, but I'm sure you were with her on your mind on Sybbie's birthday anyway, just as I am with Matthew every year, when George celebrates his.

Our trip to the Sinderbys was nice. We had lovely weather and it was a pleasure to see Rose and Atticus completely unchanged since they left for New York. Rose says she enjoys American life very much and has made a lot of friends, but is not sure she wants to stay there longer than the planned 2 years. Atticus seems to be happy to be out of his father's eyes a bit though, so I don't see them returning after his contract ends.

The "dashing" Mr. Talbot also was very charming and entertaining during his stay at Lord Sinderby's house. I'm still unsure about him though. I enjoy his company a lot, but my inner voice tells me that he is a little bit "too dashing", if you know what I mean. You know that I'm not really known for lack of confidence, but I'm turning 34 this year and I'm suddenly not sure, I'll be able to "compete" against younger, prettier women, who don't come with as much history. I don't have any reason to suspect him to be anything but faithful and loyal, but I just have this feeling that tells me to be careful. Maybe I'm not fair though, I can't really say. It's just that he seems to know a little too well what to say and how to compliment a woman. "Practiced" would be the word that I would use to describe his way of courting. But maybe that's just his age as well as mine? He's 38, he must have had his share of love interests and courtships himself.

And maybe I should just enjoy it while it will last? I wouldn't be the first Aristocratic wife who puts up with her husband's affairs at some point in her marriage, if it really would come to it. Maybe I'm just more realistic than I was when I married Matthew? Because I certainly wouldn't have been ready to accept _him_ having an affair! I expected love for the rest of our life! I know you've decided for you not to settle for less and right now I'm thinking hard about whether I'm able to do it or not.

As you see, I'm still confiding in you. More even as I would if you were still here, because I hope you realize I would never have told you any of this if you were still at Downton. It's easier somehow to tell you my inner feelings when you're not standing right in front of me! And I hope you also realize, that this is actually the first time I can see something good in you having left for America aside from the general wish that you should do what is best for you. You can mark the day in your calendar!

That doesn't mean though, that I would wish you and Sybbie back any less. I miss you both still so very much and it was even harder to bear than normal on Sybbie's birthday.

And don't worry that you might lose my friendship. Once loved by me, you're in my heart forever. That's actually one good thing I can say about me, that even Edith wouldn't deny. Any new man in my life will have to put up with it or leave!

I will close now, I have to go and talk to Pelham about the new Tamworths. They arrived while we were gone and this time there was no catastrophe like when Charles Blake and I had to crawl through mud to save them. No, they arrived and are doing very well according to Tim Drewe. We doubled their number so he really has a lot of work now, but we hired two boys from the village who are now helping him with his farm. The families were happy that they found work so quickly and Tim Drewe is happy that he doesn't have to do it all on his own. With the price we got for the last pigs, the two extra workers are not a bad investment I think. If the new ones turn out to be as successful as the last ones, we will still make good money with them.

I wanted to hear more about the "very pretty" Miss O'Connor of course, but I'll leave you in peace until my next letter. Just the little observation that you – at least – seem still to have eyes on you, even if you're committed to live like a monk!

Don't be mad, I'm just teasing back, as you will hopefully realize.

As always much love

Mary


	14. Chapter 14

Boston, July 10, 1925

Dear Mary,

Sybbie's birthday was nice, thank you. Of course it was a bit difficult for me, as it is every year. But whom am I telling this, you certainly know what I mean. I missed being able to go to the churchyard with Sybbie, but maybe it is better for her to celebrate her birthday without the shadow of her mother's death present in such a visible way. I tried to make her birthday as happy as possible and I think I succeeded. We went to the Franklin Park Zoo. It was amazing! They have several wild animals there, bears, apes and even elephants! Sybbie was fascinated and so was I, I've never seen anything like it before.

Then Cathy had a "children's party" for Sybbie. Sybbie's cousins were there of course and she also invited some of the neighbor's children and they all had cake and lemonade. Sybbie was delighted and when I took her home that evening, she couldn't stop talking about the zoo and her wonderful party.

It was only after I had brought her to bed and was sure that she was asleep, that I allowed myself an hour of grief for Sybil. And every year since it happened, I ask myself why she had to die and if it ever will get better? Will I ever be able not to cry on this day? Will I ever be able to look back without feeling this horrible pain and without reliving these horrible moments in my mind? Will I stop doubting the existence of God and my faith because of what happened? If there is a God, how could he allow her to die! Sybil was the best person I knew, a wonderful, vibrant, _good_ person. I've tried to come up with answers so many times, but I always come up empty handed and I realize, I will never find my peace with it. Her death will never make sense to me.

I know, these questions are feeble. I have learned to live without her and most of the time, I can look back and smile when I think of her. I can laugh and be happy and enjoy my life again. That doesn't lessen the pain though and the grief about my loss. It is not in the front of my thoughts every single day, as it was right after it happened. It doesn't paralyze me anymore, as it did then and makes me feel numb, but it never goes away completely. Never. It's always there somewhere, lurking on the back of my mind.

Thank you for "not" asking about Orlaith O'Connor. I can't really say much about her, because we didn't go out since we had lunch. I thought about it, but I admit, I shied away from it, since I think going out again would imply more than simple friendship and that's still all I want. I'm not living like a monk (alright I do), but I'm not a Saint. So I do see that she is very pretty and I do see that she likes me. If I would go out with her again, she might get the wrong idea. I don't want to mislead her in any way.

I'm a bit worried about what you've wrote about Henry Talbot. Please, don't marry him, if you don't think he'll love you as you'll love him! What is this nonsense about you being 34 and not being able to "compete"? You're stunning and you know it. You always were and you always will be, no matter how old you're going to be. You have style and class and elegance and you will always be more interesting and fascinating than most other women I know. You write you have no evidence, but be careful. You don't need to make compromises and I know Matthew would never have treated you this way! I despise the way a man's "affairs" are treated as "forgivable" in Aristocratic circles and that women of your standing are taught, that it is a wife's duty to "look the other way"! It's just wrong and disrespectful and should never be excused!

You don't mention your father in your last letter, so I hope he's feeling better and the week with the Sinderbys was good for him? I really hope so.

What you write about the Tamworths sounds very good. I knew you are able to run the estate on your own. I'm so proud of you! Doubling the number is just the right decision!

I must go, I have a big meeting with new, potential business partners. Wish me luck!

Love

Tom


	15. Chapter 15

Downton, July 24, 1925

Dear Tom,

summer has come with full force here. We're blessed with lovely sunshine for two weeks in a row now and we hope the weather will hold until the church's bazaar on Saturday. Mama is already busy organizing it and Granny is her usual "helpful" self, driving Mama crazy with her comments.

I finally managed to visit Mr. and Mrs Carson in their new home and I can tell you, that your and Sybbie's portrait is sitting enthroned and proudly on the mantlepiece! I noticed it immediately when I stepped into the room. So Mrs Hughes – sorry Mrs Carson of course - still holds you in high regard and Carson's love for her has destroyed all remaining resentment for the "traitor", as you called yourself.

They also told me about the newest scandal in the village. Obviously Dr. Clarkson has a new assistant doctor and – brace yourself – it is a woman! Carson was completely thrown away by the thought that a woman could be a doctor and that – dear God – a man could be forced to lay his medical faith into her hands. His wife and I laughed about him, after all women have been "forced to put _their_ medical faith" into men's hands all the time, but he was unable to see the humor in it.

I haven't met the new doctor yet, but I hear she is mainly treating the women and children in the hospital and that she is very young and is coming straight from London. I admit I'm curious. Maybe she will come to the bazaar, then I can tell you more about her.

Edith and Bertie Pelham are smelling like rose petals btw. If they're not secretly in love, I don't know who is. I swear Edith gets cross eyed every time she sees him and he gets crimson faced as soon as she comes near. I wonder why they're not doing anything about it? Why is he not proposing? It's not as if she has better prospects!

My own romantic life is still undecided. Henry is away to a car race. He invited me to come along, but – as you can guess – I'm not fond of car races and I would rather die than see automobiles drive in circles in an insane pace. It brings up pictures that I rather avoid.

See, that is another reason, why I can't make up my mind about Henry. Of all unlikely hobbies, his is car racing! Did I tell you, that his parents own a huge car factory in England? "Talbot cars", maybe you've heard of them.

The thought that he is doing those car races is driving me crazy. He says it is quite safe, but I lost a husband in a car accident, I can't bear the thought that this could happen twice!

I was deeply moved by your words about Sybil. I understand you so well and I know exactly how you feel. I admire how open you are about your feelings though and that you are so open about thinking of Sybil all the time. I always admired that, because I still avoid thinking of Matthew as best as I can. It's so painful and I get so angry when I do, so I bottled all my feelings up and pushed them as far back into my soul and mind as I can. It's days like George's birthday, when they come out full force and on these days I realize that I still haven't really dealt with my loss and maybe never will.

I will confess something to you, that I haven't told anyone before: I'm not even visiting Matthew's grave very often. Actually I haven't been there more than half a dozen times and if I was it was always "forced", because I was in company of Isobel or someone else from the family who wanted to go and I couldn't very well decline. When I brought Sybil the flowers on her birthday, I only glanced shortly in the direction of his grave and went away as quickly as I could. It is not, that I have forgotten him, I could never, but I'm just not able to face my grief as straightforward as you do. I do feel guilty about it though and a little bit afraid what others might think if they found out that I almost never visit the churchyard.

You ask how Papa is doing and I wish I could tell you, that he's his old self again, but I'm afraid I can't. I'm still worried about him. Maybe it is his age suddenly showing? But he's only 59 this year, it is not that old and Granny certainly is as strong as she has always been with her 85 years!

Fact is, that Papa is tired all the time though and that he voluntarily keeps his diet for months now. He hasn't touched a drink or a cigar for ages! And still he seems to be in pain and doesn't look well either.

I must tell you though, how happy I am with my relationship to George now. I told you, I followed your advice and I am now visiting him much more often in the nursery. At the beginning I expected him to pay attention to my visits, because I'm his mother after all, but just as you said: He shows me what he likes and what he doesn't. On some days we play together, on some days he barely looks up when I greet him and then he just smiles and returns to his playing, but I found out, that I like watching him play. I learn so much new about him every day, it's amazing. He really is a little Matthew though, sunny, friendly and good natured. He doesn't have much from me, lucky, little chap.

I hope the business deal you mentioned in your last letter worked out splendidly and that I will hear from you soon.

Love

Mary


	16. Chapter 16

Downton, July 29, 1925

Dear Tom,

something dreadful has happened.

Papa is very ill! It turns out our worries were right and his health has not improved at all.

Oh, Tom, I'm crying. Dr. Clarkson told him he has cancer!

Dr. Clarkson told us, he can't say how long Papa has, but he said that he must prepare himself, that he will die in a nearer future.

I'm so devastated! He can't die, too! I can't lose yet another beloved person. He's my father! He can't leave me with all this responsibility! What am I supposed to do?

Please, Tom, I'm begging you, if there is any possibility for you to come home for a few weeks, can you come?

Papa will want to see Sybbie one last time and I need you here! I don't know what to do! Please, is it possible!?

I'm desperate

Mary


	17. Chapter 17

Boston, August 6, 1925

Lady Mary Crawley

Downton Abbey

Leave New York August 8 on RMS Majestic. Estimated arrival at Southampton August 13. Bring Sybbie. TB

_Author's note:_

_This is not the end of the story yet, but there will be only one more letter. I'm going to write a sequel though and it will also be a story told in letters, but from and between different characters and not just letters from Tom and Mary, so I thought it makes more sense to put it in a sequel.  
_


	18. Chapter 18

_So this is the last letter. I want to thank everyone who read the story and especially everyone who gave feedback. Your comments were such a great motivation for me! _

_As I said in the author's note of the last chapter: There will be a sequel. I still don't know how it all will end, I found out that the story gets it's very own dynamic while I'm writing the letters. I think at this point I'm just as clueless as Tom or Mary how their future will proceed, but I'm optimistic that we will all find out._

_I must add a small warning for the last chapter of this first part though: Sadly there's a character's death._

Downton, August 20, 1925

Dear Liam,

I arrived at Downton a week ago and I'm sad to inform you, that my father in law has passed away yesterday evening. It happened all very fast in the end, but I'm happy that I brought Sybbie back just in time for him to see her.

It was heartwarming to see his face lighten up when we came to his room. I hadn't seen Lord Grantham cry before, not even when Sybil died, but he cried when Sybbie greeted him and he thanked me for bringing her.

He died peacefully, surrounded by his family and his last words to me were, that he was grateful to have had such a "good son", when he never expected to get one. I was very moved by it. Robert Crawley and I had a long, difficult way together and I would never have thought, that I would cry tears at his deathbed, but I did. I realized that at some point he became a real father to me, maybe even earlier than he detected a son in me.

Life sometimes goes strange ways and gifts you where you would never expect it: I lost my father so young, and then I found a father in a man, who despised me for a long while and he, who never had a son and who long hated me for taking his beloved, youngest daughter away, found a son in me. I will miss him.

His death also means big changes here though and that's another main reason why I'm writing. I'm sorry to leave you hanging, but I've realized, I can't leave them now.

His family is understandably devastated. It was especially hard for the old Lady Grantham, who certainly did not expect to see her son die before her. But it is also very hard for Mary. Not only did she lose her father, who she loved dearly, but she also feels overwhelmed and helpless with the enormous responsibility she's facing now. She's determined to save the estate for George, but it will be difficult. There're huge death taxes to pay and she's still paying the death taxes for Matthew, so it is not sure if she will be able to. She will be forced to sell larger parts of it anyway and I want to stay to help her decide and to support her as best as I can.

I know this is much to ask, but do you think you can manage the land-machine branch without me? I'm not asking you to keep my job. I don't know how long Mary will need me here, but I expect it will at least take her a few months and I know that is too long for you to just work with a temporary substitute. I think Walters would be a good man to take over from me. He's young, a hard worker and very ambitious. I relied a lot on him in the past months, so if you want my advice, I think you should transfer my responsibilities to him.

Also I want to be completely honest with you: Now, that I came back here, I realized how much Downton has become my home and that I missed it's people more than I ever thought. Yes, the class system, that has me branded as the "former chauffeur" is still in place and I'm still convinced of the unfairness of the system. I realized though, that my vision of freedom, equality and a fairer distribution of wealth and privileges is an ideal and that I can work on changing the system here as well as in America.

I don't know where my future will be in the next years, but I know my way shouldn't lead too far away from the people I love here. Certainly not all across the ocean again. I thank you very much for the chance you gave me. It was good for me to see that I can do it on my own, because it gave me confidence again and a new sense of self worth. I won't lose that again.

So I'm asking you for one last favor: I've written my landlord to quit the lease for our flat. Would you be so kind and send us our belongings? We won't need the furniture, you can sell it, if you want, or give it to charity, but I'd like to have our personal things with us. I'm asking especially for the two pictures of Sybil, that I own. One is on my nightstand and the other is in Sybbie's room. The other things are mainly clothes, personal papers (you'll find them all in my desk) and a few of Sybbie's toys. You don't need to send all of them though, give most of it to the boys as a gift from me and Sybbie, she just keeps asking for the doll that Cathy gave her, the one she named "Marigold"? I'm sure Cathy knows which one mean, it seems of big importance to Sybbie, so I would be grateful if you would include it.

I hope we will see us again in the future. I'm incredibly grateful for all, that you and Cathy have done for us. Give my love to Cathy and the children and Sybbie says to send her love, too.

Thank you again

Tom


End file.
